well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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