It was confusing and full of hummus
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
