My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
