For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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