Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you had me at cake vodka
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
