Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
