I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
