i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
