Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
