I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
