Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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