i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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