ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think my moral compass just broke
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
