you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
