I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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