Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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