They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
