ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
