need another drink. this is the easiest way
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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