It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
