Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
