I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
