We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
