SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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