Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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