i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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