There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
