his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
