the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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