the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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