It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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