It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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