The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
