She just used a chaser for red wine.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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