words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize