it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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