Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
