This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
