Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Couch. On fire.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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