I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
