I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
