glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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