It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
