We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
