Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize