Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
