remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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