matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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