We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
pray to the hookup gods
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
