remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
