I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
