I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
