The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
