the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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