...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
