I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
