clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
