he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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