We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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