there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
