Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
