Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
