They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
