just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dick very happy bro
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
