I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
