Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
