sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
