WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
