corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
