I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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