Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
