those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
