Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just found puke in my bra..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
