I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize