I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
