I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
