Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So here I am, sexting at work.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
