dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
