I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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