hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
