True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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