you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
