What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
