she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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