I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
