i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What did we do last night that was yellow?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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