I bet he comes in French.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize