ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
