Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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