she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
