Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
