I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
